It’s hard to tell where the motivation went. Since I’ve been doing this for over 20 years, I’m sure there’s been plenty of ebbs and flows, but not a drop-off like I’ve experienced recently.

There was a time where I used to write a lot– much more frequently than a post every year that isn’t a game report that isn’t directed to a niche market of people. Of course, that was also a time where social media and blogs and everything else was in its infancy. 

Then the boom of blogs and podcasts started and plenty of people found their niche and have had success. But the problem with that when it comes to joining a community is that when you don’t join one or join one that you don’t feel like you’re a good fit due to some differences of ideology; that motivation kind of stalls and you get into a writing block state. 

Then life changes. Going from an overnight job where you have the time during the early mornings to get early reaction to stories and be one of the first to opine on something to working during the day where you can’t access posting sites and by the time you get to be able to post something– especially in the way things go in news cycles– the talking points you have had already been thoughts about by others and it feels pointless to it all.

And even thinking out of the box has its troubles. You think something will hit and then it doesn’t. So the discouragement internally gets to you and then you kind of wonder if writing was worth the time spent doing it. It’s one of those things where you could go through a whole process and put it up and it gets no traction while the dumbest stuff actually gets plenty of traction. 

Then you write constantly and then when you’re ready to put something up, you step back and look and either leave it in the draft position or delete it entirely because you don’t think it’ll make any kind of sense or actually be good at all and now just rambling about things– kind of what this is right now. 

But you change the method of writing. You go to a single team (or state, in my case) system on another site and go on about your business…but you fall into the same trap writing where the time isn’t there, the game reports are, by and large, the only content you put up (which, don’t get me wrong– a valuable asset for junior or club hockey for their exposure), and you feel there’s something missing; but you’re unsure how to get it back. 

But then a move happens. Going from a place that kind of zapped your creativity in one aspect may spark something in the new location. Maybe in a place I’m comfortable with, that will trigger things and I’ll get back to where I was over a decade ago. Now, even I know it’s highly unlikely given the current climate of blogging and all of that– but a guy can dream. 

It’s been a hard work/life balancing act in the job I’m in now to where I was when I was younger. There’s not a down time that consists of writing, only recovering from work. Like I said, all the takes have been taken and reiterating one point seems like a copy-cat idea when you’re hours late on a reaction. Then I stretch my podcasting chops and maybe that takes too much of your time from writing in order to put that medium first and you do it to moderate levels of success. 

Now, I hit a crossroads. Not like that of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony or Cody Rhodes– but whether or not I can muster up enough motivation and sticktoitiveness to maybe get another wave going for myself and see where that goes. Or if work will be getting too much in the way again and that same stuck feeling will return and zap all the energy and self-confidence away. 

Is this what a midlife crisis is?? I am 40, so it would only make sense. Guess there’s nothing else to do but wait-and-see at what becomes of this.